Proud Papa

Paul shared this on his FB yesterday.

A little over a year ago he couldn't even walk. Could...not...walk! 

Today, well, he's doing pretty good!

Thank you Jesus for your grace in our lives.

Thank you family for your continued support as we find our pace again.

Thank you friends who continue to understand that not everyday is this encouraging.

Thank you co-workers who take the time to say special hello's and allow him to "help" you with certain tasks.

Thank you doctors and nurses who help guide us through these waters and do so in a way which seems as though you enjoy it...because you probably do...because you're awesome.

Thank you Jaxon, for inspiring us to persevere and believe the best about ourselves. You are a special special boy and your tender heart and willingness to help others continues to blow me away.

Two more years of treatment to go...each day is a new day and each day is a gift.

six months

In my mind I think about Diagnosis Day as Four-Ten-Fourteen. That was almost the name of this blog. I have a music playlist by that name instead.

April 10, 2014.

6 months ago today. I could never, not ever, have imagined what my little boy, our family (immediate and extended), and our friends (old and new) would experience together over these past six months. Thank you, thank you so much - to all who have supported us through this in innumerable ways. Our lives are richer because of you. xo

Paul wrote some thoughts about another significant April 10th in his life. 
Do read it.

PZ : Faith

Although Christians often use the argument that macro evolution doesn't exist because the greatest factor within it is "billions of years," we would do well to remember that on this day we claim to believe in something that happened a number of years ago as well; that we are trusting in the historical account and whatever empirical evidence supports the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.

On the other hand, if macro evolution is not true, the worst that could happen is a few professors lose their jobs and many people now have to come up with another way to understand how we got here and what the meaning of life is. But for Christians, if Jesus was not raised from the dead then we are ruined. Without hope. Lost.

Once a person responds in faith to Jesus and experiences new life, the alternatives are somewhat gloomy. Sure, someone on the outside looking in can easily say that Christians are brainwashed, supported by a crutch, or even just too "simple" to get the grander story. And to some degree, they'd be right. Christians don't know the whole story. We recognize our need for a Savior. And when faced with incredibly confusing and painful situations I have to say that the alternatives to a loving God who paid for our sins and offers new life don't really measure up.

As our journey has now brought us to deep dark places of emotional undoing, I can't imagine going through it without faith. And I know that I cannot "prove" that my faith is real or that God is real to those who wish to disregard it, but I can say that the alternatives simply do not bring any hope.

Being a Christian doesn't make sense. The irony in it is that one must lose their life in order to find it. Being a Christian means we don't have all the answers, don't understand all the complexities of life, and don't feel we have to. This isn't being naive, it's being real. Who in this world ever could know everything! By trusting in Jesus we release our need for control and in so doing we find that our lives begin to make more sense. While embracing mystery we discover that God tends to do things a little different than our wisdom might suggest; He asks us to trust Him and when we hand our lives over He gives us a peace that is unexplainable.

I believe that Jesus died on the cross and took upon Himself the sins of the world; that on the third day God raised Him from the dead; and after showing Himself to His followers He ascended to the right hand of God. Call me what you want, but I cannot imagine life without faith in Jesus Christ.

PZ : Easter & Brokenness

My body, broken for you. 

These words of Jesus have taken on a new meaning for me this Easter. Perhaps my heart is beginning to understand what Jesus' mother, Mary, was feeling on this day 2000 yrs ago.

You see, when our child's life no longer becomes something we as parents can fix, it breaks us. When those whom we are called to be responsible for are so far gone that our efforts are futile, it can take us to dark places, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. When we, as parents, are no longer in control and are faced with the reality that whatever end is in store for our children is now out of our hands, it can ruin us.

A week ago our family was there. As parents we had nothing to offer but our hands and feet; our broken hearts for our innocent 5yr old son. Things were out of our control and as we laid him down on the operating table and watched his eyes close because of the anesthetic, it was our undoing. We knew at that moment that whatever happened next was out of our hands...it was up to God and the wisdom He'd given to the doctors that would determine Jaxon's outcome. We wept for our boy as any parent would. The sense of helplessness contrasted with the sense of responsibility, coupled with his childhood innocence...was too much to bear. So we gave him up...we let go...we laid him at his Father's feet.

But what about Mary? Her son, Jesus, didn't have a disease, he had a calling. He was not innocent like a child is, but was innocent in that He had no sin in Him. He would voluntarily give his life up, not because he was sick but because He was healthy. How did that make Mary feel? How would she deal with the pain and loss of her miracle child which God's Spirit told her was the Savior of the world?!!! Mary didn't have to lay Jesus down, He did it himself. And the mystery here is that He did it for her, for me, for you, and for the world. Jesus gave his life so that we may have life.

Our bodies are alive because they have blood running through them; the heart is a wonderfully complex yet simple organ. Without blood our bodies are lifeless masses of flesh and muscles and organs. When the heart is stopped our bodies die. This is the wonder of what Jesus did at Calvary...He gave His life up so that our hearts could be brought back to life! Jesus laid His life down so that our bodies would not just have blood flowing through them physically, but that our hearts (our souls) would become alive with God's Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!

Although we remember Christ's death today, we can also remember that in His death we are freed from death. Because He chose to do what we could not do ourselves (namely, make ourselves alive spiritually), we are now free to embrace Christ's life for us or reject it.

On this Easter I am more aware than ever before the pain which Mary must have endured on that day at Calvary. I am also more aware of how helpless we can be as parents when we don't have the answers or reasons why something seemingly bad is happening to our child. And yet I am also now more aware than ever before that putting our full trust in Christ is where real peace is found.

His body, broken for you ...

PZ : The Hope we have

The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, information, tears and joy. 

From the moment our Doctor called us and told us to go to the hospital to meet with the pediatrician, we knew something big was up. 

When the pediatrician said we would be taking Jax to Children’s Hospital via the ferry, we knew something big was up. 

When the same pediatrician came back and said the Medi-vac Helicopter was going to take Jax to BCCH, we knew something big was up.

When BCCH told us the blood work showed Leukemia and needed to be confirmed by bone marrow biopsy, we knew something big was up.

When BCCH told us that it was confirmed that Jaxon had full blown Pre-B A.L.L, we knew our lives would be forever changed.

And I in no way want to downplay the roller coaster of emotions and pain that this had been, but through it all we have been told what was happening and what was going to happen to make it better. I hope you realize how freeing that was for us.

We knew what Jaxon’s problem was.

We knew we were in the best place we could be (BCCH) to treat this disease.

We know that his chances of having a full recovery over time is very high.

We know that God and His people have been overwhelmingly supporting us as His Church through and in all of this.

We ALSO know that many, many parents do not know. They don’t know what’s wrong with their kid. They don’t know who’s going to have the answers. They don’t know what treatment will look like. They don’t know what kind of impact this will have on their normal everyday lives. They don’t have family to support them. They don’t have friends to support them. They don’t have the family of Christ to support them. They don’t have Christ to be their cornerstone; their rock; their everything.

Today, please pray for those who do not have this hope.

PZ : House Builders

Yesterday it was confirmed that our youngest son, Jaxon (5), has Luekemia. I've shared Rachel's posts as she is more articulate than I. Thank you for the overwhelming support!

Also, when it comes to calling things blessing or curses, I want to be careful. Sometimes the things we think are blessings turn out to bite us in the back. And other things that we think are a curse turn out to be something beautiful.

What we KNOW is that our lives have now changed forever. We are no longer the same. Something is different now. But God has not changed. He is always the same. And His love for us, for Jax, for our family, indeed for all the world is unchanging!

Yesterday I wondered if as a father I could love my son more; that maybe if God loved my son even half as much as I do then He would feel the pain I'm feeling. What I realized is that not only does God love Jaxon as I do, He loves him even more...more than I ever could! So much, in fact, that He sent his Son to die for me, for Jax, for all of us. Jesus conquered sin and death, and in His great love for us all He made a way to peace, to shalom, to rest.

And so we wait in that rest. We wait to see how God will use the life of our little Jax to show others His love for them. Already yesterday we could sense that the staff could tell our lives were rooted in something that many people in similar circumstances don't have.

Faith by nature is about mystery and trust. Faith doesn't have all the facts and if it did then it wouldn't be faith, it would be fact. Faith isn't a math sequence or science formula. You can't understand the mystery until you embrace it. To this degree, it is unreasonable; it doesn't make sense by looking at it. For those who do not have it, they wonder how in the midst of turmoil and suffering someone can be at peace!

Remember the two builders who built houses in the Bible...I think Luke 6ish. One built his house on a rock and the other on sand. I always thought that one builder was smart and built on a rock and the other was not so smart and built on the sand. But in Luke it says that the one builder "dug down deep" and built his house on the rock. They were neighbours!!! One built his house in sand and the other dug deep and built it on the rock. And when (not if) the storm hits the houses, the results are very different.
This parable is about what's on the inside. On the outside the two houses may have looked the same; no one could tell the difference; just a couple spec houses beside each other with the same trim package. The foundations, however, couldn't be more different! What happens when the storms of life hit us...that's when we find out if our faith is solid. For me, even though the pain is real, our faith has been deeply rooted and we are in a hospital with others whose houses are collapsing all around us. We are their neighbours today. During this time others may look at us and wonder why our house isn't crashing down like theirs. Faith. Faith. Faith.

So continue to pray for us as we embrace this new journey. But pray for those who might be our neighbours too; that we might share our hope in Christ and see others find peace.

Shalom.